When Teetotalers Go Caroling

Here we come a-wassailing awash in naught but tea.
We seldom feel the urge to puke (though frequently to pee).
Drier joys come to you, with a mug of sober brew.
May God bless you and send you a year with no beer,
May God send you a year with no beer.

We are not red-nosed revelers that lurch from door to door.
Our noses are a righteous blue the bibulous deplore.
Lemonade come to you. Ardent spirits we eschew,
Yet we ardently wish you a year with no beer.
Raise a cheer for a year with no beer.

We're morally superior to all you sodden lot.
We smugly shake our heads when you're hung over and we're not
Temperance tunes come to you as our soft drink-swilling crew
Belts our anthem that drunkards might draw near and hear
Word of year after year with no beer.

by Chris O'Carroll

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Chris O'Carroll has been the featured poet in Light, and has appeared in Angle, Asses of Parnassus, Lighten Up Online, Literary Review, and Rotary Dial, among other journals, as well as The Great American Wise Ass Poetry Anthology and Poems for a Liminal Age (even though he's right at the threshold of not even knowing what "liminal" means).