Finding Golf Clubs on a Rainy Evening

Whose woods these are I think I know.
They're the clubs of our local pro;
This morning as he played a round
He felt he'd never sunk so low.

One fairway shot was never found.
He hit two long drives out of bounds.
He double-bogeyed eight and ten.
His cursing made the hills resound.

The laughter of the other men
Made him forget he'd ever been
Happy to play this miserable game.
He fretted, fumed, turned red and then

All his excuses sounding lame,
And having no one else to blame,
He flung his clubs in anger and shame,
He flung his clubs in anger and shame.

by Patrick Cook

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Patrick Cook lives with his wife, Valorie. They are both retired postal workers who live in Grand Rapids, Michigan, which is listed as the 33rd cloudiest city in the United States. This figure is highly suspicious. They believe there is a conspiracy among statisticians to underrate their city, fueled by bribery and corruption on a national scale. They demand an investigation.