To Coffee (On Drinking the Day's First Cup)

Oh first delicious cup of coffee
On this morning dark and frosty
how your caffeine jolt delights me
    screams in my veins!
Dark berry of Columbian tree
    I sing you paens!

They tell me I should let you be
Because caffeine is bad for me.
They say to drink decaf coffee
    will keep me cool.
Better to live with nerves all jumpy
    than snore and drool.

We who drink the high test stuff
Can wing it well right off the cuff.
We'll take you on and call your bluff
    and not back down.
Morning time won't find us gruff
    with deadly frown.

A mug of java in the hand,
Yuppie blends or national brand,
Steaming, rich from tropic land,
    all hot and black.
Not that weak stuff, washed out, bland
    Midwestern slack.

What if our blood pressure's high?
We're quick of step and bright of eye,
our nerves all trigger sharp and spry.
    We've got the edge
On dowdy folk who warn and cry
    and take the pledge.

I've seen coffee drinkers go
Into a quiet room, and though
Others whisper and talk slow
    they shoot the breeze,
Their words rush forth, bubble and flow
    with greatest ease.

I've seen them at espresso bars
Drinking latte at all hours.
The double-cappuccino stars
    drink even more.
What amazing gifts and powers!
    They're real hard core.

When the Lord finished creation
And stepped down from His high work station
To take well-earned one day vacation,
    it's well I know
He grabbed his cup, and with elation
    drank some strong joe!

by Steve Klepetar

Read more Parody

Available in print

Steve Klepetar claims to be the best known Shanghai-born Jewish-American poet in all of Central Minnesota who has written a dissertation on Sir Walter Scott (no, he didn't play Scottie in Star Wars—look him up). His work has appeared widely and has received several nominations for the Pushcart Prize and Best of the Net, which his father-in-law would have told him would get him on the subway as long as he had a token.